Book Review: "Untamed" by Glennon Doyle

Spoiler alert: This review has LOTS of spoilers. I write these reviews to discuss what I've learned from the books and make a commentary based on my existing knowledge. They'll give you an insight on what the book is about but also, digest some of the content for you. If you prefer reading the book first before getting detailed insights, I recommend you save this review for future reference.

BLURB

"Who were you before the world told you who to be?

 For many years New York Times bestselling author Glennon Doyle denied her discontent. Then one day, at a conference, she glanced up at a woman and three words flooded her mind: There. She. Is. At first Glennon assumed these words came from on high but soon she realised they had come from within. This was the voice she had buried beneath decades of numbing addictions and social conditioning. Glennon decided to let go of the world's expectations of her and reclaim her true untamed self.

 Forceful and tender, Untamed is both an intimate memoir and a galvanizing wake-up call about what is possible when we step out of our cages and say:

Here I am."

Why this book?

For a long time, I had been wanting to read it.

After quitting my corporate job to find something that aligned better with my values and aspirations, it felt like this book would be the perfect companion to take throughout that journey.

I knew I was personally taking a risk that many wouldn't consider taking, and that would probably make sense just in my head; I needed a book that was precisely about living life on your own terms and trusting your own calling...

I believe I did find it!

Beyond just a companion on this wild ride, I found a book that resonated with me in many aspects and I do recommend it. There are many revolutionary ideas that will probably help people live freer, healthier lives, and since I am all about that, here's what I'd love to share about the book.

Observations, Key themes, and takeaways:

• Structure and general feel:

The first thing that really jumped at me was the structure of this book. Let's start by acknowledging it is a memoir.

Though it seems to be written in the form of "Chapters", these chapters live separately and could be read in any order without necessarily affecting the plot and continuity of the messages transmitted. There is no continuous plot, but instead a collection of ideas, lessons, and concepts that pique your curiosity and, once pieced together, make the book an absolute art piece.

Pretty much the same way life is, this book is an unstructured, collection of random chapters with a bunch of separate "aha!" moments that eventually help you build a new freedom and understanding about the limits that are stopping you from living life the way you really were intended to.

Though it is not a comfortable read because in many ways it can be confronting, it is one of those things that can bring you peace once you face it.

It is meant to be triggering and comforting at the same time; triggering in the sense that it guides you to question the very beliefs you've been holding, and comforting in the sense that it provides you with the proof necessary to know you're not dealing with that discomfort and questioning alone, and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

For anyone doing personal work and healing, I 100% recommend it; If you pace yourself. It may not be an easy type of content to digest, but it is 100% worth it.

• The "Knowing"

With this in mind, let's explore the main theme and takeaway I'll be taking with me from this book.

The "Knowing".

Though I have already been familiar with this concept due to personal experiences that have proven to me how wrong things go every time we avoid our intuition and inner knowing, it presents in the book as the one thing that enabled Glennon to live a life that felt true, inspiring and liberating.

An authentic life guided by her knowing.

Often, we expect society, the world, our friends, and family, to make decisions for us, and though it may be relieving to take the pressure off from being responsible for our own choices, following other's guidance relentlessly will end up guiding us towards building a life that is not ours.

Humans are not cookie-cutter models. What works for those around us may not be what works for us, and therefore, we must be courageous and brave enough to follow our inner knowing, make our own mistakes, and inevitably learn from them to make better choices as we get to know ourselves better and learn how to grow.

The idea of inner knowing comes after being able to hear your own "inner" voice.

Often, our bodies know. They can feel when something feels right or wrong for us and will tell us physically through our feelings if a specific choice or decision is in alignment with our greatest good.

Throughout the book, Glennon recalls sitting in a closet to connect with her inner knowing. Since most of us were conditioned to ignore what our bodies had to say when we were kids, the act of connecting with our body and learning how to feel and follow that inner voice is key to developing a solid relationship and strong communication with that knowing.

Once we've developed this relationship we can focus on building the pillars of our lives in other dimensions. These are secondary (but equally important!) topics within the book.

• Non-traditional family structures

After connecting with her inner knowing, Glennon's liberation came with a surprise. She falls in love with a woman and decides to get a divorce from her husband.

Though at first glance this may seem like a reckless idea, there is a lot more to it than just being gay and choosing a divorce. The decision brings a lot of peace and ease to her life, despite how unusual her new family structure would be from those common within traditional models in society.

Choosing to accept and follow her feelings for her now wife, liberate Glennon and her husband. They help her find peace and joy improving the quality of her life, whilst enabling her to build a better relationship with her ex-husband; the father of her kids.

Though challenging at first, the courage of doing this hard thing enables her to trade a life of discomfort that does not fit with who she truly is, for a life that feels calm and authentic, enabling her to truly enjoy what it means to be alive.

Too often, we neglect and deny our true desires for fear of being inadequate. Whether that be truly wanting a relationship that feels loving or building a new family paradigm, we tend to be fearful about letting go of a familiar present to receive an abundant future.

We neglect to recognize that short-term discomfort may lead to a life of reward and that we get to choose our "hard".

Sometimes, we must choose between sacrificing ourselves to choose what is good for others, vs. choosing what is good for ourselves in sight it may not be the easiest step at first hand. The result of the latter is liberation.

Liberation is never one-sided. In freeing ourselves, we free those around us.

• God and Religion

Glennon used to be a Christian, and though she still has a close relationship with God, her relationship to religion has shifted massively which is evident throughout the book.

With the development of inner Knowing, Glennon discovers God is not an external entity but something within.

She finds a new way to connect to divinity and defies the idea of it being necessarily masculine, or limited (in the sense that God's love is not conditional, it is just love for everything we are).

Personally, I relate to this very deeply.

Throughout my journey, I've explored different religions and have come to the conclusion that the Church is not a requirement to have a strong relationship and connection to god. I've come to witness how many of the teachings religions have about good and bad are oppressive and benefit a specific group of people, leaving others at a disadvantage even when innately, we are all worthy as humans and equally deserving of everything life has to offer.

Things that religion and our idea of god often present as negative build division with our brothers and sisters. We forget we are one and the same and end up creating distance, judgment, and war with those we should really be loving towards.

Part of the liberation Glennon proposed through this topic is exactly that; God is in everything and everyone, regardless of the conditions that have been presented to us to leave some people "outside" of that realm.

Reading this felt liberating and a welcome change I'd love to see more often. It'd be beautiful to see our humanity bond as one, regardless of our country of origin, language, skin color, cultural background, or religious beliefs.

We've got differences, but we're all equally worthy.

• Getting triggered

Lastly, Glennon touched upon the topic of feeling triggered by certain people or situations.

What I found brilliant about this was her ability to connect with her feelings to realize consciously that most of the time, when she was feeling triggered, it was due to an aspect within herself that she wasn't acknowledging.

As part of the work I've done in myself, I've focused as much as possible on understanding how the pain I perceive others to cause me, actually has been caused by myself.

Often, I realize I hurt because of my own thoughts, or create certain feelings and emotions as a result of a negative belief or protective mechanism I have. When something doesn't agree with the way I have been conditioned, I may fall into judgment because that is exactly how I relate internally with that part of myself when it comes up.

It usually is not, that the other person is wrong in what they're doing. Or that something about them is inherently bad.

All too often, it simply is a matter of me not accepting within myself the things this person is showing, and unconsciously choosing to project that rejection onto them as if it was their fault.

Closing Thoughts:

Though there are a lot more lessons within this book, the previous ones are the ones I connected with the most deeply based on my present and life experience.

I enjoyed the book, though it wasn't an easy one to read, and believe people with more traditional views than my own will probably find it quite challenging to digest and agree with too! (I do identify as an artist, have done a fair bit of alternative therapy work, and am quite spiritual - not religious - so I know I'm a bit out there already).

Whilst writing this review, I also gave myself a chance to hear what other people had said about the book and came across a review from a Christian woman. I found it fascinating to hear how the idea of being Untamed felt like a bad idea and following our instincts and deeper desires felt like problematic advice for many.

In my experience, we are often too afraid to follow our desires because a deep-rooted belief exists that our desires are shameful, and guilt tends to lie beneath that. We think we are flawed, and can't be trusted... That is exactly the wound this book works on, but I'm open to also admit I may not agree with this statement that rings so true to me today, some years in the future (as my knowledge and understanding of the world expands).

In my concept of self, humans are by nature loving beings, and so, I do not fear the directions our truest desires will lead us towards.

When thinking about extreme cases, like people with mental disorders who crave things like killing someone (murderers, for example), I believe (due to the understanding I've got about trauma and psychology) a lot of it has been caused by unprocessed experiences during the early stages of life development, and/or a significant lack of connection/presence of parents to model healthy human interactions and brain development.

In my understanding, many of the issues that result from these behaviors come from the very fact that we are not living in line with our true nature. We have neglected our families and communities in service of productivity and work, and have grown disconnected in many ways. I believe this has caused a massive imbalance in our culture and systems, which unfortunately makes our desires, potentially, ticking bombs.

In her comment, I found lots of value in questioning this. Would we serve this same type of advice to a person who has not worked through significant psychological issues and can become threatening to our humanity? How much of what is presented in the book could be healthy, and where is the line between pursuing what our truth tells us vs. taking care of the things that will be nurturing for our community? What even is nurturing for our community?

I am unsure that our inner knowing can provide an answer to all of these, though I remain hopeful and believe finding the answer will be a lifetime's work!

Still, I found it extremely refreshing to read a book whose main aim is to show you life can be alright when you follow your heart and deepest truth. It was lovely to find the courage this woman has found to be loyal to her authenticity and question where the boundaries exist between our authenticity and the integrity of our humanity...

Without our authenticity, can there ever be integrity?

Moreover, knowing how repression can become significantly painful and damaging for our own psyche (in terms of repressed feelings, truths, emotions, and feelings), I wonder whether the advice to untame yourself could even be helpful in the case of human beings with criminal behaviors.

Could un-repressing their sense of anger and validating internal conflicts, pain, and suffering that often live with them, enable them to feel seen and overcome the instinct to act so violently? When we deal with our own conflicts and emotions, being more repressive and harsh often does more harm than good. The compassion and radical acceptance that being "Untamed" promotes, could potentially help release this; easing symptoms to make them a lot more manageable.

A theory at present, but one I'll keep reading on to find better answers!

Rating: 🌟🌟🌟🌟

4/5

Overall, a really good book! Thought-provoking and sincere.

I genuinely am not sure why I am not giving it 5 stars, but believe there is just something missing. A little extra to get me fully into those 5 stars. All in all, it's a really great work!